I don't know it the picture above will show, as I'm posting this via e-mail. (Here's the link, and I'll fix it later if it doesn't.) But it's a picture I ran across in a sales listing for a house in Walnut Grove, CA. I regularly read a columnist in the SF Chronicle, and I like to look at beautiful houses, and they have some fancy house I could never afford or another listed with pictures every day.
I've never been to Walnut Grove, but I'm sure I've flown over it on my way in to SFO. What struck me about the picture, though, was its quintessential Northern California-ness. The variety of greens of different trees, the hills, and that clear, fresh light filtered through partly cloudy skies. As I looked at the picture, I could feel the cool air on my skin in contrast to the bright warm sun. I could smell the trees and the dampness of the air rolling in off the ocean. My whole body remembered it all; for a moment, I was there. And in the next moment, I was all farklempt.
Because I want to be there. I want him to be there for me to have a reason to be there.
I want him to be.
Because I miss him so damn much.
I hate when those little moments sneak up and catch you off guard. Here you are, thinking about something perfectly nice, and then BAM...yup...grief, death, and the missing hit you like a ton of bricks.
ReplyDeleteI wish he was there with you too.
Thinking of you in these next 3 weeks as you have the last buildup to your death anniversary....
Hugs, my friend.